Whatever happened to enjoying the journey?
Life got full. Kids came. Work got stressful. We aren’t having much fun.
We try to connect, we WANT to connect, but somehow we miss the mark and fight. Almost every time, no matter what the disagreement was originally about, the same core issues resurface.
This may sound familiar. Often couples beginning counseling will say things like:
“While we both say we are committed to the relationship, we struggle to remember why we are so committed.”
“We want to find empathy for each other and finally get to the root of things between us. To stop fighting about the same things.”
“I want to address issues of the past and reset for the future. Stop making weak attempts at fixing the details and get to the big stuff.”
Will we even be able to enjoy the future we have been planning for?
Waiting to tend to the communication issues and painful disconnection means more emotional pain, resentment, and misunderstanding. And that leads to a lot of hurt. It’s a good idea to address things as soon as you can.
And if it has been years, it is still possible to get back on a path that feels great.
Loving dialogue is healing. Whenever it happens.
This therapy is about creating a space and tools for you to have loving, natural, meaningful conversations that get to the heart of things.
A caring presence that values you both is super helpful. There is someone who helps you catch where you get off track, and slows down the rapid pace of your patterns so you can make new choices and relate to each other differently.
Unlearning the old habits and creating new and supportive approaches makes the whole relationship more safe, secure, and enjoyable.
Relationships have the potential to be deeply healing and fulfilling.
But that isn’t always how it feels.
Our society spends large amounts of energy and resources on weddings and little time helping people learn how to be in relationship. It makes a difference to know about how humans behave in a family and why things get hard.
It makes a difference when you work on this together.
This is support to help you build a sustainable relationship.
An enduring relationship has weathered a few storms. Of course you will disagree. What matters is how you do it and if you repair things effectively when you get off track. Couple counseling helps you learn better ways to get through disagreements, and stay connected to what the relationship is really about.
Here are a few myths we can happily kick to the curb:
- Happy couples don’t fight. That inspiring couple that has been together for 40 years and holds hands in the park–they have had their fair share of fights. Every couple has their way of disagreeing; it is the WAY they fight that can make the difference between a happy marriage and divorce.
- The only way to make it better is to resolve all our issues. Instead, the important thing is to communicate about them at a heart level, connected to what is most real to each of you.
- It is important to address the individual issues first. Not necessarily. Individual therapy is great for understanding yourself better, not so much for improving the dynamics of your relationship. If you get the relationship more in sync, it can be more supportive of individual healing. And a lot of healing can only happen in relationship.
Learn how to dance together again.
When you learn what is happening in your pattern together, you also learn a new way to dance together. Connected to the same song, you use what you’ve learned to adapt as life changes happen. You show up when your partner needs you, and they are there to catch you as well.
Maybe it’s not always a fairytale, but you know how to repair.
But when you are out of sync, disconnected, you step on each other’s toes, ram into one another, criticize the other’s abilities, and clash with the music. Maybe you are even listening to totally different music! It is not fun, that’s for sure.
Time for Relationship Help.
Find a therapist that understands and believes in the uniqueness of your relationship and life experience.
This relationship matters too much. When you move together in clear understanding, knowing that you are each tuned-in to the other, both are happier, healthier, and more secure.
And you are ready face the challenges of life. Together.
Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy (EFT)
The foundation of the counseling experience here is Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFT) as developed by Dr. Sue Johnson. It offers a roadmap for therapists to support clients in an empowering and effective way.
Research studies show that couples receiving EFT experience sustaining results at a significantly higher rate than with other couples therapy models.
Couples move past having the same fight over and over. The connection grows authentically and with enduring strength.
While there is still a long way to go in understanding the needs of each population, EFT is shown to be appropriate and impactful for couples of diverse backgrounds, genders and orientations. And the field is continually evolving, improving!
Let’s talk more and see if this is the right therapy home for your relationship.
I offer couples therapy to all humans in committed love relationships…
Ask about the introductory package and the first 5 sessions, and where you might expect to be after 10. You can really shift things with this approach.
It is an honor and privilege to have worked with so many couples as they strengthen their bond.
Love is worth it.
Call me!